In need of Spiritual Assistance? Feeling lost in life? Just can't find your favourite red socks? Dial-A-Rabbi is for you...

You know the feeling. Your hamster has just died, Chelsea lost to Somerset Farmers' United and your radio is stuck on Bath FM, home of the Dido lovers. How can you make yourself feel better? DIAL-A-RABBI! Simply call 0800-86724 (that's 0800-TORAH, fact fans!) and purchase your own Instant Rabbi Mix today. Dissolve in water and voíla! A Rabbi for your every need - comes in three flavours. Here's a sample conversation from one satisfied customer: Mr Lambert (ML): 0800-TORAH **waits for a response** Friendly Attendant (FA): Welcome to Dial-A-Rabbi. How may we help you? ML: Hello, I'd like a rabbi please. FA: Certainly sir. Would this be for a religious ceremony or private function? ML: Well, you see the thing is, I've lost my socks... FA: Oh, of course. That'll be twelve ninety-nine please, plus ten pence insurance in case our rabbi gets lost in a washing machine. ML: Why certainly. ** Sends over a cactus with "Twelve ninety nine plus ten pence" written on the side** FA: Thankyou. If you could please give us your postcode so that we can send your rabbi mix to the right place? ML: Of course! It's L** **N FA: Brilliant. Mix in Rabbi Moscovitz flavour will be mailed to you straight away to help you search for your lost socks. Bless you my child! ML: Shalom to you, kind telephone! Give it a try today! Coming soon: Priest Flavour...   © HapFairy Productions 2006, SCE